


Not broken

by sweetorangeginger



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 19:11:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21281819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetorangeginger/pseuds/sweetorangeginger
Summary: It’s a tough world, prison is. But he knew it, didn’t he?
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Not broken

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d.  
English is not my first language so be gentle.

‘Keep still, Mr Sugden, I need to disinfect the wound now.’

He’s sitting in the infirmary, doing his best to listen to the nurse on duty. Again. It’s the sixth time he’s here in a loop of two weeks. Not good, not good at all.

It’s beyond him how the other inmates have found out he’s married to a man. He’s been so careful, not revealing any of his private life except the bare minimum. Trying to stay out of the big boys’ way, not talking if not asked anything, not looking in their eyes, keeping his head low. The staff knows, of course, and one of them must have told one of the inmates.

_(Robert’s no fool, he knows this prison has got its own hierarchy and a set of unwritten rules, most of them not law abiding.)_

It doesn’t seem to make any difference. He’s new, he’s gay.

_(Bisexual, he tells himself, not that it matters here)._

He should be happy he’s only getting beaten up.

_(It could be worse, much worse. He doesn’t even want to go there but he’s watching his back, almost panicking inside as soon as he knows someone’s behind him and none of the officers are close.)_

Now, feeling slightly dizzy, Robert is hoping he isn’t shaking too much for the nurse to put the stitches right. It’s his forehead that has been cut badly, blood is trickling down his chin and onto the collar of his top.

_(God knows what they have used, he doesn’t remember much after the first blow that send him down onto the dirty toilet floor)._

Almost high on painkillers taken on an empty stomach,

_(He can’t eat. He can’t keep anything down. He has heard it’s normal, it takes time to get used to the food and, more importantly, to the thought that this is his life now. He’s not sure if that’s the case. Even if it sounds mad, he know that the less he eats and drinks the less often he need to use the toilet and it increases his chances to get through the days unscathed.)_

Robert hopes he can keep himself from throwing up all over the floor, like the last time.

_(At least Aaron won’t have to see him in this state, it hurts so much to know that the special thing they’ve had is over for good, but there is no way Robert wants Aaron to go through what he had to endure while Aaron was locked up. He remembers like it was yesterday, the feeling of not being enough, powerless and useless, every single fibre of his body screaming after his husband. And he didn’t cope well waiting, seeing Aaron slowly being consumed by the drugs.)_

‘It may feel a little uncomfortable’ the nurse is young and sympathetic, even if the officer by the door is giving her odd glances. No mercy for the wicked.

The needle is cold against his skin, and even if it doesn’t hurt, it’s enough for Robert to flinch.

‘I’m sorry’ the nurse says. ‘ I know it may feel a little uncomfortable, I’ll try to be gentle.’

‘Just get over with it!’ the officer barks. ‘I’ve got more important things to do than babysitting a faggot!’

Robert tries desperately to stop shaking but the comment reduces him to that teenage lad, being leathered by his furious father. He fights back the tears that threaten to make him a crying mess, loosing even more of the precious little control he’s got over himself. Not here, not now. There will be time for self pity later, the nights are long enough for that. And there are advantages with being everyone’s punchbag - he’s got his own cell as for now, the prison director fearing for his safety after the recent events.

‘Just get over with this’ he hears himself echo the words of the officer, as he sees the nurse reaching for the syringe loaded with more anaesthetic.

It’s done in a few minutes and Robert is asked to take his top of to have rest of the damage examined. It’s a bit of a challenge and, judging by how stiff he feels, Robert is quite prepared to what to expect, but is nonetheless shocked by the extent of the bruises. The skilled hands of the nurse probe the flesh around Robert’s ribs, and after a while it’s clear that it looks worse than it is. He’s sent back to his cell with an order to report back to the infirmary tomorrow for a follow up.

_(Maybe it’s better if he’s beaten to death the next time. Life here is no life. There is no life outside for him either. How do you rebuild it after fourteen years? Who’s waiting for you after such a long time? But the thought of Aaron receiving the news of his death is too much. Maybe in a couple of years, after his husband has moved on to someone else. Not yet.)_

He is escorted back to his cell with a warning of solitary confinement if he’s involved in a fight again. Robert doesn’t take it as a threat, it would almost be nice to avoid his tormentors for a while. But solitary confinement means no library either, nothing to occupy his mind except his own thoughts that are starting to spiral down to a place he’s not ready for yet.

_(Would it work to file for divorce? He’s got a good reason and even if Aaron will surely be reluctant in the beginning Robert’s sure he would see sense eventually. But then again, what would happen with Aaron’s rights to see Seb? Would Rebecca cut him off then? He made her promise over the phone to let Aaron see the little boy at least once a month, getting surprised when she agreed, even if it took a whole deal of persuading.)_

He sinks himself down onto the hard mattress, the painkillers are starting to wear down now. Hissing in pain, he draws the thin blanket around himself as he can’t stop shaking, he doesn’t know if it’s the shock and pain or lack of food or both. He’s never felt so miserable in his whole life.

It’s getting darker outside which means the supper will be served soon. He doesn’t know how long time has passed since he’s gotten back to his cell, everything seems so blurry now. The time passes in some sort of a limbo, not even being measured by the ticking of a clock. You should be surprised what the inmates can turn into a lethal weapon so no clocks allowed.

Robert’s stomach is reminding him he hasn’t eaten since breakfast and he battles himself to get up and go to the canteen. Suppers are no so bad, usually sandwiches and tea. He can manage a piece of bread, can’t he? But he lacks the strength right now.

_(He despises himself for that. He’s a coward. A coward! How can he survive if he’s not eating? He’s always been a fighter, how can he be so weak now? He’s a Sugden, for fuck’s sake, Sugdens don’t give up! His sister is carrying her rapist’s child and he can’t even face a couple of bullies!)_

The cell is spinning as Robert lowers his feet down to the floor. He almost falls face down but manages to catch his balance in the end. A few minutes with his head between the knees and it all feels more normal.

For what it’s worth he will face the little world outside of his cell. His little world. It’s better he gets used to it right now. He’s got nothing else.


End file.
